When you’re in a relationship going into university it can be a really tricky time. Even more so when your partner is not a student as well and doesn’t really understand. This was the case for me and it was a huge hurdle for our relationship. Right before my third year this relationship ended, and this is why I wish I called it a day before I even started.
I Chose Where to study because of my relationship
Perhaps what I regret most of all is this part. I graduated so frustrated that I could have had the choice of thousands of universities across the country. Instead, I stayed at home and sacrificed my entire university experience to be with a boy. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Oxford Brookes and the Philosophy department there. However, I still can’t fight the feelings of “what if” I got the chance to move away from home.
My boyfriend at the time had no desire to move at all nor was he in any kind of stable career to be able to afford to move with me. so I compromised and stayed close to home to stay with him. He didn’t actually want me going to university to begin with and broke up with me right before. He got over it eventually but there was no way I was not going at all. I had worked for this my entire life!
I made no friends because of my relationship
The reason he was so insecure about me going to university was because of the social aspect. I wasn’t allowed to go clubbing before I started uni so there was no way it was happening during my degree! Not only were activities like this entirely ruled out, but I didn’t live in Halls of Residence. As a result, I didn’t get the chance to make close flatmate friends. I thought that maybe I would make friends just from attending lectures, but unfortunately most people already had friends that they lived with. Everyone was already in groups and so I just sat on my own and put my head down.
My Grades dropped because of my relationship
University is extremely stressful. You are going to be studying, writing essays and revising a lot of the time. This is hard to go when you are upset from relationship problems and struggles. Unfortunately for me this was the majority of the time and so during my second year especially when my relationship got worse, my grades dropped. My grade went from a 1st Class to a 2:1 which isn’t bad… but It had still dropped. I even contemplated dropping out of my course entirely because of it, I got it into my head that university just wasn’t for me. Because of this relationship I completely forgot what I was actually capable of. I’m incredibly frustrated that I could have done so much better if I wasn’t in it.
I didn’t meet the right guy because of my relationship
I’m going to be completely honest. If you haven’t gathered from reading so far, the relationship I was in was not healthy. It was really controlling and we were on and off a lot. He was not right for me at all and did not treat me well. I can’t help but feel like if I did move away and did get the full university experience that I could have met someone who was right for me. I am now going to find it a lot more difficult to find that person but I’m sure love will find a way.
Now I just want to make clear before I go that this isn’t a “break up with your boyfriend before uni or you will regret it” post. I am just sharing my experience going into it with a boyfriend and why I really wish I didn’t.
I’d love to hear any stories you guys have about starting university in a relationship, did you end it or did you give it a try?